Just for Today
May 18, 2026
Friends and amends--keeping it simple
Page 144
"We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others."
Step Nine
In every relationship, we don't always handle things the way we would have hoped. But friendships don't have to end when we make mistakes; instead, we can make amends. If we are sincerely willing to accept the responsibilities involved in friendship and make the amends we owe, those friendships can become stronger and richer than ever.
Making amends is simple. We approach the person we have harmed and say, "I was wrong." Sometimes we avoid getting to the point, evading an admission of our own part in the affair. But that frustrates the intent of the Ninth Step. To make effective amends, we have to keep it simple: we admit our part, and leave it at that.
There will be times when our friends won't accept our amends. Perhaps they need time to process what has happened. If that is the case, we must give them that time. After all, we were the ones in the wrong, not them. We have done our part; the rest is out of our hands.
Just for Today: I want to be a responsible friend. I will strive to keep it simple when making amends.
Spiritual Principle a Day
In hindsight, many of us find that self-centeredness shaped our thinking and behavior. We realize how much energy we spent protecting our fragile egos, imagining what others thought about us, or carefully curating our image on social media. Privately, we were often negative, selfish, and entitled, as we neglected the work of doing our best with what we had. The Steps have a way of setting us on a more productive course in life. We see who we've been, come to understand who we are, and clear out what interferes with taking a more positive, selfless, and grateful approach to life.
Whether we're new or have been around a while, some of us take up seemingly selfless activities like ducks to water. But, like anything that feels good, we can take selflessness to unhealthy extremes. We do love too much of a good thing, after all, and--bonus!--we can avoid examining ourselves by becoming immersed in helping others. Many of us learn the hard way that unrestrained generosity can harm both the giver and the recipient. As the old saying goes, "You can't draw water from an empty well." The Steps help us build a more realistic self-concept and a life we don't want to run from.
"To practice selflessness requires that I first have a sense of self," in the words of one member. "I tell my sponsees, 'You first, right after me!'" We take responsibility for our own well-being and strive for harmony as we contribute to our common welfare. The principles of the Steps help us establish healthy boundaries and strive for balance. For many of us, the idea of loving and serving others selflessly adds a new dimension to our spiritual self-care routine. We find ways to recharge and gather fresh inspiration so we can selflessly contribute to NA unity.